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Recently, I was enjoying the company of three delightful women. We were part of a bigger group – all single. I hadn’t experienced such generosity for quite a long time and it was delightful. Along, came a man who sat down beside me, a very pleasant man. And immediately, things were different. It was surprising to me to see these delightful women change to being unpleasant, rude and quite hostile – not to me; to him.
It started me thinking about being single in the Baby Boomer years and what I witness each time I go to events like this. I notice a number of things. I hear women sitting around and whinging about men, how horrible they are – what they have done and what they haven’t done. I also hear men whinging about women in the same vain.
These years can be the best of your life because most of us are free from children, we have adequate money to live on and we can do as we please. Without a partner, it can be lonely, it can be isolating and you can feel unwelcome at couple’s events.
So, why would people who want to meet someone spend most of their time complaining about the very people they want to be in a relationship with? How is that likely to attract the right type of person?
With scarred hearts and hurting souls, meeting someone who is going to ‘fix-it’ and help you to live happily ever after is unlikely to happen. What is much more likely to occur is a dysfunctional relationship where you both treat each other badly after the initial gloss has worn off. And then again in a few months, you can sit around and whinge some more as to why the last relationship didn’t work and you’ll likely hear yourself saying, “I knew it; he/she was just the same as all the rest of them”.
If there is any reflection of you in the above story I encourage you to jump head first into personal and professional development, to take full responsibility for your behaviour, do not blame anyone but yourself for the life you are currently living. We’ve all been hurt but you don’t have to wear it on your sleeve or punish the rest of the world for it. There is only one person who can help you to be happy, to have a satisfying relationship and to live a Fantastic Life and that is you. Expect it to take a long time to heal from those past relationships but be willing to do whatever it takes so that you can truly have a beautiful relationship – one where you genuinely feel loved, one where you are fully aware of your behaviour and actions and one where you take full responsibility for every single thing that you do and say. Will it be easy? No of course it won’t be. Will it be worth it? You bet.
Merydith Willoughby is an international award winning Organisation Development Consultant. She delivers services to Australia and USA. Her second book Sex in the Boardroom has just been released. Go to www.ibcoaching.com.au for more information.
